I'm back!

Not sure if that's good news to you or not.  I've been reading over my past posts and may I say with all honesty...dang I'm a lazy fat girl.

I originally started this to help myself lose weight.   Apparently I haven't done a great job at that because I'm still at the same weight I was several years ago!   Cheers for maintaining!   There's an eating disorder joke in there but that is between me and one other person.  

Sooo...why am I still fat?  Well, for one, I don't like to exercise.  I've discovered that sweating is gross.  There shall be no more non-summer sweating for me because now I'm stuck doing the yard work every 7...HA, 12 days (because I AM LAZY.  And fat.  And white...really, really white.  And from the north.  I can't take this stupid Texas summer heat.)   However, I was and am quite proud of myself for doing my own yard work.  Mowing isn't bad.   Weed eating isn't bad (once I learned that the stupid thing has a  "bump" feature that releases more line and I don't have to stop every 5 minutes to take the bottom off, pull out line, put the lid back on and repeat every 5 minutes.)  and I like hedge trimming.  Makes me feel like a really bad Edward Scissorhands.   Pretty sure I should never go to beauty school.  

It's bagging all that crap up that sucks.   Do you know how heavy dirt you sneak into your lawn waste bags can be?   Pretty heavy.  I hope the guys who have to pick it up on bulk trash or whatever day they pick up on, do not figure out I've got about 30 pounds of dirt in that one bag, hidden by 1 pound of leaves and twigs.   Meanwhile, the other bag is about 5 pounds.  I didn't think that one out...dividing the dirt between two bags.   Shut it.   I never said I was a sneaky lawn bag cheating genius.

Back to me and being fat still after all these years.   Stomach reduction surgery is sounding better and better but I still think I'm cheating myself some sort of self satisfaction if I lose weight that way.  I didn't do it.  I didn't accomplish it.  Nothing against people who do it.  Why, I have good friends that have done it.    I may even invite them over for dinner one day.    Ice cubes and a few leafs of lettuce.   Oh, won't we be full!   For dessert, a sugar packet!   I kid, I kid.  Bitter, Table for 1!

I need someone to make me do some sort of exercise.   I need my own Jillian Michaels.   Who wants to volunteer?   I need to get some fit people who like to yell at fatties.   Come make me move!!    

I think I have just the person for the job!