I've been going through a bit of self discovery lately. Please don't confuse that with "self ""discovery""" Those are supposed to be LOTS of air quotes, if you catch my drift.
For some reason, last week, I just happened to be watching the television, and Oprah came on, while I was laying on the couch during one of my little pity parties of self imposed depression moments. Or as I like to say, "I'm not depressed! I'm in a little funk!" But crying about things you can't stop thinking about when you're not anywhere near your period cannot yet be attributed to pre-menopause. Crying on the couch at 3:35 a.m. is not normal. Nor can just wanting to block out the world and sleep and sleep some more. When you watch the commercial for depression medication and they mention a sign of depression is lots of sleeping and you argue back with the tv that they don't know what they're talking about, that you think that woman looks pretty ok, you just might be in "a little funk."
It was a replay of her very last show. I figured I'd watch and see what she decided to do for her last show. I don't want to admit Oprah just MIGHT know what she's talking about, but girl...Oprah know her poo!
I've been asking myself some questions for the past year and some of it in counseling, lots of it not. I've felt lost. I've felt false. I've felt like not my genuine self and then even then, doubt who or what I believe my genuine self is or was. Really a lot of too deep thinking for me and so I push it all down inside of me and save it for another day when I might feel like being introspective.
One of many things Oprah said to her audience hit a nerve with me. And lucky for you, I'll share each thing with you of the several things that hit a nerve with me, but not all at once.
Topic 1: What Sparks The Light In Me? Where does my power lie? Everybody has a calling. Don't waste anymore time-use your life. Start embracing the life that is calling you. Use your light to serve the world. (These are word for word from Oprah, y'all. I wish I could take credit.)
When Oprah said that, I started to cry. Why? Because I really don't know. I really, honest to God don't know. And I sit here, trying not to cry, because all I can think is the light I have in me is humor. How is that going to change the world? It may be silly humor. It may be dark humor. It may be one too many drinks humor and it may be inappropriate humor, but that is how I make myself feel better and that is how I make others feel better.
I don't want to waste anymore time. I'm so tired of feeling tired.
Do you remember that Sunday school song, "This Little Light Of Mine?" I haven't been genuine or true with my light in a very long time. I'm gonna let it shine.
Not sure how all of this is going to play out in real life. I'm taking some steps to make sure I'm happier. Weighing out some decisions, considering going back to college to see if I can find even more light in me that wants to shine brighter.
Bushel, get thee behind me!
For some reason, last week, I just happened to be watching the television, and Oprah came on, while I was laying on the couch during one of my little pity parties of self imposed depression moments. Or as I like to say, "I'm not depressed! I'm in a little funk!" But crying about things you can't stop thinking about when you're not anywhere near your period cannot yet be attributed to pre-menopause. Crying on the couch at 3:35 a.m. is not normal. Nor can just wanting to block out the world and sleep and sleep some more. When you watch the commercial for depression medication and they mention a sign of depression is lots of sleeping and you argue back with the tv that they don't know what they're talking about, that you think that woman looks pretty ok, you just might be in "a little funk."
It was a replay of her very last show. I figured I'd watch and see what she decided to do for her last show. I don't want to admit Oprah just MIGHT know what she's talking about, but girl...Oprah know her poo!
I've been asking myself some questions for the past year and some of it in counseling, lots of it not. I've felt lost. I've felt false. I've felt like not my genuine self and then even then, doubt who or what I believe my genuine self is or was. Really a lot of too deep thinking for me and so I push it all down inside of me and save it for another day when I might feel like being introspective.
One of many things Oprah said to her audience hit a nerve with me. And lucky for you, I'll share each thing with you of the several things that hit a nerve with me, but not all at once.
Topic 1: What Sparks The Light In Me? Where does my power lie? Everybody has a calling. Don't waste anymore time-use your life. Start embracing the life that is calling you. Use your light to serve the world. (These are word for word from Oprah, y'all. I wish I could take credit.)
When Oprah said that, I started to cry. Why? Because I really don't know. I really, honest to God don't know. And I sit here, trying not to cry, because all I can think is the light I have in me is humor. How is that going to change the world? It may be silly humor. It may be dark humor. It may be one too many drinks humor and it may be inappropriate humor, but that is how I make myself feel better and that is how I make others feel better.
I don't want to waste anymore time. I'm so tired of feeling tired.
Do you remember that Sunday school song, "This Little Light Of Mine?" I haven't been genuine or true with my light in a very long time. I'm gonna let it shine.
Not sure how all of this is going to play out in real life. I'm taking some steps to make sure I'm happier. Weighing out some decisions, considering going back to college to see if I can find even more light in me that wants to shine brighter.
Bushel, get thee behind me!
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