Personal Responsibility and how to avoid it.

Today's subject is a very serious matter.

I have to make goals for myself and actually write them out. This...is....hard. I don't have goals, quite honestly. If being a good mom every day is a goal, then I guess that's my goal, every single day. Except today. Today I overslept. Not really. I set my alarm for 6:00 a.m. and when it went off, I reset it for 6:30 and it failed me. Or I turned it off in my sleep, one of the two. I will blame failure on the part of my phone alarm, though.

Talk about a walk of shame. "Hi...I'm Olivia's mom and I'm a LOSER who is walking her daughter into the office so that I can feel the shame blazing out of your eyes, into my body, for being 40 minutes late." I should have just dropped her off at the curb and taught her a life lesson. Learn to take some personal responsibility for your actions. Why is it you could get up at 6:30 a.m. the entire Thanksgiving vacation after going to bed well after 10:00 p.m. most nights when your normal bedtime is 7:30 p.m., yet today, when you went to bed at 8:00 p.m. last night, you don't even notice it's light out and 7:45 a.m.? Kids.

Anyhoo, back to my goals. I should make one goal losing weight, because the whole reason I started this blog was to talk about me losing weight. Yeeeeah....I fell off that band wagon. I am going to get back on it! I am dedicated! Ok, maybe not so much dedicated as my therapist wants me to write out some goals for homework. 3-6-9-12 month goals. Whoa! Back up that train, lady. That's a whoooole lot of commitment for me. I can make goals like, "I want to finish this bottle of wine before 9:30 p.m." Or, "My goal is to bring down my grocery bill so that I can afford 2 big bottles of wine." Those go on sale for $9-$10 dollars sometimes and it hurts to buy a lot of those big bottles if you're into collecting them, as I am. I can justify it though, because if I buy 6 bottles of wine, I SAVE 10 percent! Uh...yeah...a savings of 10 percent adds up over time, people. Do the math.

Ok...goals. 1. Lose weight. Ugh. 2. Save money on wine. CHECK. 3. Write more on this blog? I write for my own entertainment because I entertain myself. Maybe a few people think it's funny, too. At some point, there might be some serious posts but I usually find humor in bad things as well. Laughing is what has kept me going all these years. If you can't laugh at yourself, it probably means your voice box has been removed.

Good night.

I love Miss Hannigan from the musical Annie

That song she sings, "Little Girls" is what I want to sing when Emma goes into meltdown mode. Here's an excerpt that is particularly fitting for this morning, "Little cheeks, Little teeth. Everything around me is little. If I wring little necks, surely I will get an acquittal."

This morning's meltdown started like this. She wakes up, I show her the super cute tie dyed tshirt that a good friend had brought her from Disneyland to thank us for taking care of their cats and hamsters while they were away. (PS-Hamsters are evil. Yes you are, Myrtle...I don't care what your owners say, you nearly took off my entire finger like it was a vienna sausage.) Emma looks at the shirt and loves it! She's so excited to try it on and wear it. She puts it on. Instant disapproval. It's too long. "It covers up my bottom." "It's supposed to, it's a longer tshirt. It was made like that." Oh no. No, no, no, no. Emma has an issue with a top being longer fitting, like a tunic. Serious issues. "It's a nightgown, I think." "No, Emma, it's not. It's a long tshirt." Thus the meltdown begins.

Sobbing, begging, crying, everything to not wear this horrible, hideous tshirt she was so thrilled about 5 minutes earlier. Yes, I know, I should pick my fights, but she's wearing the shirt because when I get off work, we going over to Miss Jennifer's (the friend) house to say, "Thank you for my shirt. I love it." . The only problem is, Emma is going to refuse to act like she likes it. She has no filter. She isn't going to put on her polite face. She will look Miss Jennifer right in the eye and boldly proclaim what a hideous piece of fabric it is that she was forced to wear!

The best line I hear this morning was, "I can't brush my teeth." "Why, because your shirt is too long?" "No, I can't brush my teeth because I can't stop crying." Oh. My. Gah.

I truly understand why my grandmother would say, "If you keep crying, I'm going to give you a reason to cry." This is why God gives some people the angel baby/child first. It's a trick to keep us pro-creating. Look how sweet and loving this one is! Surely my next one will be, too! Out pops an Emma. Wait! I'm sorry, this was a mistake, I ordered another Olivia. I think this one was delivered to the wrong uterus.

Emma keeps me laughing, though, that's for sure. Her sense of humor is closer to mine and Olivia...well...she has her dad's sense of humor. For those of you who have met her dad, just keep drinking and maybe her stories will get funnier? She gives great hugs, though.

I've attatched a picture, to let you see, the crying continued into the car, on the drive over to the babysitter's and up to the front door. Once she saw all the dogs that were visiting, the crying stopped and she had other important matters to take care of, like getting licked by 2 big dogs and chasing the small one to pet it.

The Devil!

My coworker, Danielle, has lost a lot of weight and looks fabulous. I hate her, btw. We fell off the exercise wagon a few months ago and now we've started back up. I always said, "If ONLY I was on The Biggest Loser or rich and had my own personal trainer, like Jillian, yelling at me to move my arse!

Enter Danielle. Hello?! We make fun of the people in our parking lot doing lunges, remember? You know, those ladies who CAN afford their own personal trainer at the office in the building next to ours? Why did I send Danielle these links to what activities burn how many calories in an hour? Why is she sending numerous copies to print up on MY printer. "Look! We can jump rope at work for 10 minutes a day and burn 15 calories a minute!" So I'll be burning 30 calories.

I just sent her an IM, letting her know our boss just dropped off a box of 6 glazed Dunkin Donuts on my desk. They're not all for me. I'm supposed to share!! Of course, she ran up here to grab the box and take them away. Good thing she has heels on that make noise because I heard her coming and was able to snatch one heavenly, glazed donut as she ripped the box out of my hands.

I'm pretty sure I looked quite like a delicate flower of nature, when I tried to shove the entire donut in my mouth like a starving stray dog, fighing over a piece of kibble, before she could come over and dig it out of my pit bull like jaws. Not really. I took one bite and the look of sadness and pity on her face made me throw the donut in the garbage. "Get it out of the garbage and give it to me. I know you'll dig in there and eat it." O. M. G. AS IF! But then as I swallowed my one bite and returned from washing my hands, I actually thought, "Hey...I didn't think of that...it is MY garbage and it's just papers in there!" So really, it's her fault if anyone walks up here and my head is in the trash can.

How Super Mommies deal with their children.

They don't tell their 4 year old they're going to pull over and let them out of the car to walk when they tell you two days in a row that they hate the new car they're driving in. Super mommies would not even consider that. Super mommies would give their child a sad face and say, "Aww, Mommy is sorry you don't like the new car. What don't you like about it?" They would then have a real discussion on the likes and dislikes of the car by the 4 year old and explain how lucky and blessed they are to even have a vehicle.

This Mother of the Year pulls the car over and tells their 4 year old that they are more than welcome to walk and follow the hated car to their day care providers house if their evil mother hears it just one. more. time, about how much they hate their new car...

Put one sassy pants 4 year old and one hormone raging mother who can't believe she has a child who is JUST LIKE HER, together, and that's what you get. She's always happy to push my buttons and always happy to see me when I pick her up. She's my little grumpy pants, even when I want to kick her out of the car.

We're all good now. Tomorrow is another day, though.

Week 3 weigh in and cupcakes and fiber

I cannot believe I lost another 3.2 pounds. I didn't track my food last week, because I wanted to show myself I NEED to chart my food and keep track. This does not mean I won't track it anymore, because it really helps me be accountable and see when I am eating out of boredom, stress, or "just because."

I am very excited about this. I know at one point or another, I won't lose 3 pounds a week, but I have a lot of poundage to lose right now!

Maybe I should take pictures of my weekly look? Same outfit every week? Should I get all Biggest Loser and take it in my skivvies? HA! As if! You can't handle the schexxxy!

On another note, my husband brought me petit fours from The Society Bakery, in Dallas. 12 of them, for Valentine's Day. What a great idea for someone who just joined Weight Watchers! These little, moist, frosting filled and sugarly icing covered 2 x 2 bites of yumminess are pure evil!

http://www.societybakery.com/Gallery.asp I'm going to give them their props. I went there with my friend Billy last summer, in my quest to find cupcakes better and cheaper than a certain Beverly Hills cupcake place that stars get their cupcakes from. The bakery has a little food place next door is quite nice, as well. They don't serve cupcakes so of course I don't remember their name.

What a conundrum of a blog, eh? Weight loss and sweets.

Let's talk fiber then, shall we? We all should be eating foods that are high in fiber but we don't all like that sort of food. And one really should not try to fit all those foods in their body in one day, like I foolishly did one day, years ago, after hearing my grandmother tell me about colon cancer, colonoscopies, and what one could do to better our colon. That story is for another day. Let's talk today. Today, I have in my hand a Kellogg's Fiber Plus Antioxidants chewy bar in Dark Chocolate Almond flavor. 2 Weight Watcher points. (about what WW's are that they sell at the meetings but I don't know how much fiber theirs have) These are delish! Let me tell you...they do their job. Fills you up and cleans you out, if ya know what I mean.

I usually share any of the "healthier" snacks I get with my girls but I won't let my daughters eat these because I know I'll be in the bathroom all day long wiping little bottoms because 3 year olds (this one at least) claim they can't touch poopy butts. It's bad enough being on wipe patrol for the 5 year old who is grossed out by it (as if I enjoy wiping the offending bottom??) and she gets paranoid there is poo still hiding on her bottom and decides to walk over to me, bend over and show me. At least one day I'll have a good story for her first (and last!) boyfriend.

Oh...here's todays PS-don't leave butter out for your dog to find and eat. Just trust me on this. A butter coated esophogus and stomach is like an ice slicked road for water and food to come sliding out with a simple burp. Just sayin'.

The Beginning. Oy

Oy sums up a lot of feelings for me. Starting this blog. Sharing with personal friends and family and not hiding what I have become. Some family and friends haven't seen me in years. Why? Because, this body is not who I am. I used to be cute! Guys would flirt with me. You want a news flash? Guys don't flirt with the morbidly obese, let me tell you. Maybe if they're a little on the chunky butt side themselves, but I'm a little vain, I want Mr. Cutie Pants to flirt with me. Yes, I am married, but I know who butters my bread. All I want again is a little free drink action, people!

So yes, OY.

For the first time in my adult life, I am going to be on a journey to lose weight. Changing my portion sizes, adding more exercise and journaling here to say what I need to say but usually won't in real life. It may hurt me at times. It may hurt others, but I've often found I express myself better when I write, rather than talk because I can't edit what I'm trying to say.

Who knows, maybe this will work and help me and a few others out. I've never gone on "a diet" before. I've never needed to. I am going to blame my husband. He married me and started this whole story! If he hadn't fallen madly in love with me, I wouldn't be here. That sounds perfectly acceptable to me. I said this was a journey for my weight loss, not accepting personal responsibility! If there is one thing I am good at, it's not being personally responsible for stuff!

I hope you join me and maybe smile occasionally, perhaps a laugh or two, perhaps come to a realization of your own. Life has a way of smacking down the pride in us. There went mine.

PS-I'm on week 2 of my first time ever joining Weight Watchers. I lost 3.2 pounds my first week. I'm ready for a thong bikini! Or not. But let's see how much fun we can have losing weight, shall we?